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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:
10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.
9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.
8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.
7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.
6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.
5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"
4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!
3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.
2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!
... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...
1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"
What Cool Scientists Are Listening To - Click Links Below
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:: Marit Larsen - Only A Fool
:: Euphoria - Back Against The Wall
:: Richard Swift - As I Go
:: Snowglobe - Rainbow
Get all the Cash you can stand.
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Making The World Safe For Science - One Supermodel At A Time




Christina Aguilera Gets Married, Gives Hope To Ugly Guys Everywhere



Okay, she got married and actually looks pretty good here, but what woman doesn't on her wedding day?



Yet look at the guy she married. Dude, you can shave on your wedding day. What this really does is reaffirm the advice I have given to women countless times: DATE UGLY MEN. They try harder.

I mean, look at this guy. I have five degrees and I still can't figure out what's wrong with his teeth.

posted by Buckaroo at 12:42 PM |

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Newest Buddha Is Skinny - Fat Advocates Blame It On Media Pressure



Ram Bomjon has a pretty good gig. He spends his days meditating under a tree. He hasn't had to cook or order takeout for six months. Heck, he hasn't eaten anything at all. Not even a McNugget, say the thousands of worshippers who have flocked to southern Nepal to worship the 15-year-old boy.

As you can imagine, 6 months without food or water has made him pretty skinny. Now, that's not for me, man. When I grow up to be Buddha I want to look like this guy.

Still, as weight loss programs go, this kid is onto something. Something even cooler than enlightenment and light shining from his forehead. You see, I've always been baffled by the weight loss dilemma. But I am baffled by the Jitterbug and the popularity of Kenny Chesney too. Let's face it, they have done studies for 60 years on weight loss - and there were no fat people before 1945 so they didn't bother prior to that. In every instance, genetic makeup or not, people who consumed fewer calories than they burned lost weight. Every single time.

But is anyone flocking to Nepal to talk to this kid about writing a book on his diet regimen? No way. They just want to see him and buy a picture for 4 rupees. In 500 BC it took the original Buddha 49 days sitting under a tree to reach spiritual enlightenment. All it takes for me is a picture of my chick in tight jeans. But this kid has been sitting there for six months and is still only a Rinpoche.

Which goes to show you, education isn't what it used to be.

Article Here

posted by Buckaroo at 7:05 AM |

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Tommy Lee Hooked On Absinthe And Strippers



Well, who isn't? Except replace 'strippers' with supermodels and 'absinthe' with Cheez-Doodles. There's nothing like canoodling with supermodels while enjoying a bag of Cheez-Doodles.

But unlike Tommy, I don't go for "La Fée Verte" - that's the French term for Absinthe but, being French people and therefore 80% gay, the literal translation is "the green fairy." Instead, when I want to engage in fantasy-like hallucinations, I simply consult this picture of Jessica Alba.

Article Here

posted by Buckaroo at 7:30 PM |

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What To Do If You Are Sedated By A Thai Tranvestite



Now, if there's one thing I know, it's Thai hookers. And I can tell you, if a Thai man wants to dress up like a woman and hide a sedative in his mouth and stick it down your throat while kissing you, it's going to happen. And you will get robbed. And maybe lose a kidney.

So the police in Bangkok are putting people on notice. Heck, one poor slob who simply wanted the fiduciary joy of rewarding a boy who dressed like a girl for sexual favors was robbed of $7,300 in cash and valuables. Whatever that means. Unless your lost pride and dignity at having to tell the police and then your wife that you got robbed by a Thai hooker who turned out to be a man counts as 'valuables.'

A police lieutenant colonel has this warning for tourists: "Don't rush to kiss a stranger on the mouth or you will end up in a deep sleep."

Truer words were never spoken.

Article Here

posted by Buckaroo at 7:31 PM |

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What To Do If You Are In The Tallest Building In Japan During An Earthquake



If you're like me, the first thing you might do is wake up the Asian girl whose name you can't remember because you picked her up in a bar and you drank until she was cute and say, 'Shisurei shimasu, doiuimi desu ka WHEN THE WHOLE FRIGGIN' BUILDING IS SHAKING?'

She might reply that my Japanese sucks worse than my lovemaking but she would like me anyway if I would simply lose some muscle mass, shrink my enormous penis and never speak again. And then call me a fag for waking her up. Not that that happened.

But if it did happen, you might think it was just the wind until 20 minutes later when you pull up the trusty news service and see there was an actual earthquake. And there might be a really cool tsunami off the coast somewhere, and maybe it will take some of those cutesy alien-looking creatures that are trying to compete with that duck in the AFLAC commercials out to sea where they can be buried for eternity.

'Cause I love that duck.

Article Here

posted by Buckaroo at 9:23 PM |

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Women Cheat Us Again - This Time By Using Evolution
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Some Scientific Equations Can't Be Solved, Like This One: W*0^M = N
Everything I Need To Know About Business I Learned From Watching WEIRD SCIENCE
Want To Cure Global Warming? Make Really Big Sunglasses
Albinoes Versus Sexy Skeleton Zombies
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How To Have An Earthquake In Japan - Guaranteed
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