Newest Buddha Is Skinny - Fat Advocates Blame It On Media Pressure
Ram Bomjon has a pretty good gig. He spends his days meditating under a tree. He hasn't had to cook or order takeout for six months. Heck, he hasn't eaten anything at all. Not even a McNugget, say the thousands of worshippers who have flocked to southern Nepal to worship the 15-year-old boy.
As you can imagine, 6 months without food or water has made him pretty skinny. Now, that's not for me, man. When I grow up to be Buddha I want to look like this guy.
Still, as weight loss programs go, this kid is onto something. Something even cooler than enlightenment and light shining from his forehead. You see, I've always been baffled by the weight loss dilemma. But I am baffled by the Jitterbug and the popularity of Kenny Chesney too. Let's face it, they have done studies for 60 years on weight loss - and there were no fat people before 1945 so they didn't bother prior to that. In every instance, genetic makeup or not, people who consumed fewer calories than they burned lost weight. Every single time.
But is anyone flocking to Nepal to talk to this kid about writing a book on his diet regimen? No way. They just want to see him and buy a picture for 4 rupees. In 500 BC it took the original Buddha 49 days sitting under a tree to reach spiritual enlightenment. All it takes for me is a picture of my chick in tight jeans. But this kid has been sitting there for six months and is still only a Rinpoche.
Which goes to show you, education isn't what it used to be.
Well, who isn't? Except replace 'strippers' with supermodels and 'absinthe' with Cheez-Doodles. There's nothing like canoodling with supermodels while enjoying a bag of Cheez-Doodles.
But unlike Tommy, I don't go for "La Fée Verte" - that's the French term for Absinthe but, being French people and therefore 80% gay, the literal translation is "the green fairy." Instead, when I want to engage in fantasy-like hallucinations, I simply consult this picture of Jessica Alba.
What To Do If You Are Sedated By A Thai Tranvestite
Now, if there's one thing I know, it's Thai hookers. And I can tell you, if a Thai man wants to dress up like a woman and hide a sedative in his mouth and stick it down your throat while kissing you, it's going to happen. And you will get robbed. And maybe lose a kidney.
So the police in Bangkok are putting people on notice. Heck, one poor slob who simply wanted the fiduciary joy of rewarding a boy who dressed like a girl for sexual favors was robbed of $7,300 in cash and valuables. Whatever that means. Unless your lost pride and dignity at having to tell the police and then your wife that you got robbed by a Thai hooker who turned out to be a man counts as 'valuables.'
A police lieutenant colonel has this warning for tourists: "Don't rush to kiss a stranger on the mouth or you will end up in a deep sleep."
What To Do If You Are In The Tallest Building In Japan During An Earthquake
If you're like me, the first thing you might do is wake up the Asian girl whose name you can't remember because you picked her up in a bar and you drank until she was cute and say, 'Shisurei shimasu, doiuimi desu ka WHEN THE WHOLE FRIGGIN' BUILDING IS SHAKING?'
She might reply that my Japanese sucks worse than my lovemaking but she would like me anyway if I would simply lose some muscle mass, shrink my enormous penis and never speak again. And then call me a fag for waking her up. Not that that happened.