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5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"
4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!
3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.
2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!
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Making The World Safe For Science - One Supermodel At A Time

Chinks And Nips Are Racist

You don't need a Master's Degree in History to know that the casting in the movie Memoirs of A Geisha was going to cause some problems - and if you do have a Master's Degree in History, I ordered a grande Mocha extra hot, with the whipped cream. Anyway, back to the movie. The movie, you see, is about Geishas. Those are the Japanese girls who make you tea and generally keep their traps shut. And the movie has two Chinese girls as the lead actresses.

Get it? No, of course you don't. No one does, except the Chinese and the Japanese and every other country in Asia which happens to hate every other country in Asia. These people are livid. The Chinese are angry because their Chinese actresses are acting as Japanese women and one of them even has a sex scene with a Japanese man - much as tens of thousands of Chinese women did while being raped during the occupation of Nanking in 1937. Japan is angry that director Rob Marshall couldn't find a single actress in Japan to portray Japanese women. And that their grandfathers still talk about how hot the women in China were during the occupation of 1937 and that they can't get any today.

Why am I angry? Because this movie isn't out yet. Americans don't get upset about this kind of thing, unless maybe Hugh Grant tried to portray an American man. Or any man, for that matter. Did the Polish get upset because Meryl Streep played a Polish woman in "Sophie's Choice?" No, they were just happy someone remembered it is an actual country and not just a word before 'joke.' I simply want this movie to be out because it has the two greatest Asian actresses around; Michelle Yeoh and Zhang Ziyi.

Now, I will confess that I have been enchanted with Michelle Yeoh since "Heroic Trio." I mean ... she is so eye-gougingly hot in her martial arts scenes that the fact she is still Asian causes no end to confusion in my penis. And Zhang Ziyi has only been in "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" and other crappy wire-fu movies but she looks like this:

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Need I say more? Perhaps this blending of cultures can go a long way to ending racism in Asia. It's too big an issue for me. But I'll be the one in the back of the theater December 24th canoodling with Lady Scientist so don't interrupt.

posted by Buckaroo at 12:40 PM |

0 attempts to be as funny as a scientist

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