Making The World Safe For Science - One Supermodel At A Time
Uma Thurman Is Available
In an interview in Britain's Grazia Magazine, Uma Thurman says she is still "out there and available if anyone's interested. As one who adores the male species, I feel compassionately towards them. I've studied them carefully like a hunter watches its prey. I love all the guys out there."
Now, before you fellas get all hopped up on testosterone and give her a call, you need a quick primer on what it means when a Hollywood starlet says she is "available if anyone's interested." So I'll save you some time and excerpt "Cash's Guide To Dating Hot Chicks" Chapter 4 - 'Dating A Celebrity.'
When a celebrity says she is 'available' she is trying to make it sound like she is sitting around nights waiting for just any old guy. It pumps up the fan base by letting boys think they have a fighting chance. Sure, there are cases to back that up, like Renee Zellweger marrying some guy named Kenny Chesney and Christina Aguilera giving hope to ugly guys everywhere but those really are exceptions. It's sort of like if you meet a normal girl at a bar and she says "A guy's car isn't important to me." What than translates into, if you have purchased your handy Cash's Woman-To-Man Decoder Ring, is "A nice care won't help you get laid but a crappy car will certainly hurt."
On the upside, she's 6 feet tall and only weighs 128, so you can throw her around the kitchen like a goddamn pizza box and barely break a sweat. And she dresses like this on occasion:
The downside is that she married Ethan Hawke. So she has a thing for pretentious asses. Feel free to comment if you have a strategy to nail Uma Thurman. I know, I know, you're asking why I don't do it myself. I agree that when I talk about women on my blog, I am invincible. But luckily for Uma I am taken.
posted by Buckaroo at 7:41 AM