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| Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules: |
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| 10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool. |
| 9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states. |
| 8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics. |
| 7) Bugs - they never see you comin'. |
| 6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen. |
| 5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!" |
| 4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am! |
| 3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song. |
| 2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week! |
| ... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ... |
| 1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2" |
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| What Cool Scientists Are Listening To - Click Links Below |
| :: Cash - Being Simple |
| :: Viva K - Does It Matter? |
| :: The Ark - One Of Us Is Gonna Die Young |
| :: The Donnas - Roll On Down The Highway |
| :: Billy Joe Shaver - Georgia On A Fast Train |
| :: Phish - Gin And Juice |
| :: The Whigs - Technology |
| :: Marit Larsen - Only A Fool |
| :: Euphoria - Back Against The Wall |
| :: Richard Swift - As I Go |
| :: Snowglobe - Rainbow |
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| Site Statistics |
| Unique IPs the past month: 8755 |
| Number of countries that read this blog: 54 |
| Percentage of visitors who stay more than 20 minutes: 16% |
| Most hits by Country - USA, England, Japan |
| Queso Fresco Cheese References: 3 |
| Cocaine references: 7 |
| Queso Fresco Cheese References As Allegories for Cocaine: 2 |
| Jaime Pressly references: 5 |
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| [::..Archive..::] |
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Making The World Safe For Science - One Supermodel At A Time
Science Shows You How Not To Get Laid
So we're sitting at breakfast and basically just talking about random things and the waitress introduces herself by saying, "My name is China." I say to Lady Scientist, "Who names a kid China?" and then, "Do you think she's a wrestler?" and finally, "Isn't that 'Dancing With The Stars' thing on TV again?"
She is unfazed by all of this, since this is about the billionth time I metaphorically started a conversation about butterflies and ended up verbally designing a space shuttle that will take off from my garage roof.
"I recorded it. We can watch it," she replies. Now, this is nothing new. There are three Replay DVRs in my house with approximately 160 hours of space on each one of them and they are almost full - and that's just with Nip/Tuck episodes she doesn't have time to watch.
But I am not thinking about that. "Sure, I'll watch it. It has Stacy Kiebler on it this season."
"Who's that?"
"Well, she's a lady wrestler."
"You know that? Is this someone you think about a lot?" because she knows I probably haven't watched more than 5 seconds of wrestling in my whole life. Or at least since Wrestlemania III
, when Hulk Hogan body-slammed Andre The Giant in the greatest televised wrestling event of all time. But I digress."Well, not a lot. Maybe for 5 minutes late at night when I am out of town."
"Really? Well, you can think about her again tonight. In fact, I am going to print off her picture and hand it to you and say, 'Here you go'."
"Nein, nein, nein."
"Then you better watch your step, Copernicus."
You know what that means, right? Yeah, me too. Massages and bubble baths in order to get her back in the zone. Women have it easy because they only have to deal with men, which pretty much consists of just getting naked to turn us on.
So, to all of you budding scientists out there, you're welcome. Now you know what not to do.
posted by Buckaroo at 1:43 AM |
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