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| Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules: |
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| 10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool. |
| 9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states. |
| 8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics. |
| 7) Bugs - they never see you comin'. |
| 6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen. |
| 5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!" |
| 4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am! |
| 3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song. |
| 2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week! |
| ... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ... |
| 1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2" |
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| :: The Donnas - Roll On Down The Highway |
| :: Billy Joe Shaver - Georgia On A Fast Train |
| :: Phish - Gin And Juice |
| :: The Whigs - Technology |
| :: Marit Larsen - Only A Fool |
| :: Euphoria - Back Against The Wall |
| :: Richard Swift - As I Go |
| :: Snowglobe - Rainbow |
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Making The World Safe For Science - One Supermodel At A Time
When Can We Just Call It Sex Day?
If there's one thing I know, it's what God meant when he created the Easter Bunny. Somewhere in there the Easter Bunny became associated with religion and when you add religion to things, you get alcohol-and-sex-fueled holidays. The holiday we are talking about today is the really fun period in Catholicism right before you have to give up stuff until you get Easter eggs 6 weeks later. Let's call the giving up stuff part "Lent" and the fun part before that "Brazil."
Brazil is, technically, a Catholic nation. Like all Catholic nations, this means you should give away 25,000,000 condoms for a religious event though the Church doesn't believe in birth control.
Now, I am all for two things; birth control and inconsistency. Just not at the same time. I always pick one or the other. One time Sweety asked me about this:
SHE: Let me see if I understand this. You won't use birth control, we can't live together before marriage and you never eat meat on Fridays but you'll let me use birth control and we can have buckets of pre-marital sex.
ME: Check. And sodomy, if you're making a list.
SHE: How is that possible again?
ME: Well, I figure you're going to Hell anyway so I might as well let you use birth control. And I can't take Communion because of the pre-marital sex thing. So I suffer too.
You can imagine that logic train never left her station. So back to Brazil. They are going to give away 1 billion free condoms in 2006 as part of their 'acclaimed' anti-AIDS program. Who acclaims it? The government giving away the condoms, of course. The Church is worried that if they give away a lot of condoms, people will have more sex.
Not me. You think they're giving away Durex XXLs? I bet not.
posted by Buckaroo at 8:09 AM |
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