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Science Determines Sony Hates Albinoes And Black People

Sony is a Japanese company - and the Japanese hate everyone. I am always baffled when I am out in public in America and someone mentions how polite the Japanese are. Yes, they are outwardly polite; they just bottle up all that hatred. But every 60 years - BOOM - Pearl Harbor.*

I give most any man travelling to Japan this advice: If you are hopelessly lost in Japan and no one speaks English, walk up to the hottest girl you see and start talking to her. Within seconds, you will be surrounded by five Japanese men asking you in English if they can help you. Because the only thing Japanese people hate more than gaijin is the thought of a big gaijin having sex with one of their women.

How does this relate to science? It's the science of marketing. You see, Sony game machines are basically black boxes with Nvidia graphics chips and some other stuff thrown in. So if you want to inject some sizzle into a product that can't be customized from a technology point of view, you simply ... make it a new color. What's the opposite of black? White, of course.

So Sony introduced a white version of its PSP replete with its own marketing campaign, in Holland, where tension between cultures is already at the boiling point:

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Nothing offensive in that. Just a white - well, very white - woman grabbing a very black woman and forcing her into a position of submission. What does that say to you?

Right, the best porn movie ever.

But no, some people took it to be racist. When I heard that, I assumed they meant because of the albino woman. We all know it's okay to hate albinoes but that doesn't mean they won't raise a stink about it.

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No, people took it to be a skin color issue, ignoring the fact that the Japanese hate everyone - and since the Dutch and the Portugese are in a virtual tie for first place in the African slave trade throughout history, black people in Holland are a little touchy about it. Once the scandal erupted and they got their publicity, Sony pulled the offending ad, but not before insuring that every Skinhead in Europe is standing in line to get one because of the controversy. Those Skinheads really hate albinoes, you know.

*Thank you, George Costanza.

posted by Buckaroo at 7:53 AM |

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