Top 10 Reasons My
Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:
10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.
9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most
8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with
Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.
7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.
6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.
5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there
before you order or it's free!"
4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!
3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna
2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in
... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light
car is ...
1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"
What Cool Scientists Are
Listening To - Click Links Below
- Being Simple
:: Viva K - Does It Matter?
:: The Ark - One
Of Us Is Gonna Die Young
:: The Donnas - Roll On Down The Highway
:: Billy Joe Shaver - Georgia On A Fast Train
:: Phish - Gin And Juice
:: The Whigs -
:: Marit Larsen - Only A Fool
:: Euphoria - Back Against The Wall
:: Richard Swift - As I Go
:: Snowglobe - Rainbow
Unique IPs the past month: 8755
Number of countries that read this blog: 54
Percentage of visitors who stay more than 20 minutes: 16%
Most hits by Country - USA, England, Japan
Queso Fresco Cheese References: 3
Cocaine references: 7
Queso Fresco Cheese References As Allegories for Cocaine: 2
Jaime Pressly references: 5
Making The World Safe For Science - One Supermodel At A Time
Your Science News For Friday Ozzie Osbourne was not home when Satan came to collect - you didn't think his puzzling success for 3.5 decades had to do with musical ability, did you? Luckily, Ozzie's brain is so addled even he didn't know where he was so Satan missed him and burned down his mansion instead. Satan is scary. So scary, in fact, that some girls get their tops scared right off of them. Look for my video, "Girls So Scared Their Tops Come Right Off Of Them" in September, 2006. Naturally, when the video comes out, they will lie to their future boyfriends about being in it. Just like lots of people who claim to be virgins lie about having sex. Generally, scientists are okay with lying - but only when we're the ones doing it. Speaking of lying, I have a complaint. Most of you lie about how much you like scientists. How do I know? Because this list of the 50 most popular science blogs does not include mine. Get thee to thy templates and place a link to me, people. Science needs more humor and 43 of the 50 on this list are about environmental junk science - B.O.R.I.N.G. You can Blogroll me also. But Technorati seems to be biased toward links. Bastards. What am I excited about this weekend? I ordered two sets of soy-sauce-dispensing chopsticks. Because chicks dig gadgets. And I won't dig cleaning dishes after I dropped $50 on sushi for a chick I met this week on Myspace. Her name is Natalia, which happens to be the same name these girls use to rob guys they meet on Myspace, but I bet that's just coincidence. I hope she doesn't turn out to be 15, like the last one. Again with the lying on the internet. Don't these people read my blog? In a few days we bid farewell to the World Cup. So no more women who dress like this: The World Cup hasn't been the big bonanza for brothels they thought it would be. That's because the brothels have mostly German women, of course. And no one can understand these signs: Finally, fellow scientists have discovered a mystery object in the heart of a supernova. Know what it is? It's L-O-V-E, people. So share the love. You can start with me - by putting me in the top 50 science blogs.
posted by Buckaroo at 7:55 AM
0 attempts to be as funny as a scientist
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