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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:
10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.
9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.
8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.
7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.
6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.
5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"
4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!
3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.
2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!
... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...
1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"
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:: Phish - Gin And Juice
:: The Whigs - Technology
:: Marit Larsen - Only A Fool
:: Euphoria - Back Against The Wall
:: Richard Swift - As I Go
:: Snowglobe - Rainbow
Get all the Cash you can stand.
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Making The World Safe For Science - One Supermodel At A Time

Making Scientific Sense Of The News

This study says obesity harms more women than men while this study says hungry men like fat women.

Do I need to spell that out for you? No, it isn't that hungry men like to eat fat women, it's that hungry men know fat women have food in the house.

Claire Forlani, on the other hand, isn't worried about being too thin or not having a man, she lays awake at night worrying about water. She says there isn't enough of it and she can't sleep because she thinks about it too much. Says Claire, "I have this daily moment of imagining life without water and it terrifies me."

I am with you, Claire. I lay awake terrified about a world without actresses saying dumb things. Then I wouldn't have anything funny to write about.

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Al Gore, on the other hand, thinks more water would be bad so he is against global warming that would melt any ice. Scientists that are employed outside government or schools and thus have to work for a living don't really like what Al Gore is doing with science. If Al Gore had been tribal leader 3,000 years ago and the tribe got big and we started running out of animals to hunt, Al Gore would have said we need to hunt fewer animals.

Scientists would have said we should grow our own livestock and forget hunting. Then every hungry man could find the fat woman of his dreams and we wouldn't need politicians. Thus, scientists don't believe that smarmy know-it-alls flying fuel-guzzling jets all over the world to tell us we should be riding bicycles is a good thing.

Not all women lie awake at night thinking about Al Gore in a fur loincloth circa 1000 BC or Claire Forlani's water issues - some think about other things. Carnie Wilson lies awake at night thinking about donuts. But they don't make her afraid, they make her horny.

We already answered why hungry men like obese women and I think Carnie Wilson answers how obesity harms women more than men. If Carnie Wilson keeps thinking about those donuts, she will never date a scientist. We refuse to rank second to pastries on the horniness scale.

posted by Buckaroo at 8:32 AM |

0 attempts to be as funny as a scientist

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