Image Hosted by
Image Hosted by
Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:
10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.
9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.
8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.
7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.
6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.
5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"
4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!
3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.
2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!
... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...
1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"
What Cool Scientists Are Listening To - Click Links Below
:: Cash - Being Simple
:: Viva K - Does It Matter?
:: The Ark - One Of Us Is Gonna Die Young
:: The Donnas - Roll On Down The Highway
:: Billy Joe Shaver - Georgia On A Fast Train
:: Phish - Gin And Juice
:: The Whigs - Technology
:: Marit Larsen - Only A Fool
:: Euphoria - Back Against The Wall
:: Richard Swift - As I Go
:: Snowglobe - Rainbow
Get all the Cash you can stand.
Site Statistics
Unique IPs the past month: 8755
Number of countries that read this blog: 54
Percentage of visitors who stay more than 20 minutes: 16%
Most hits by Country - USA, England, Japan
Queso Fresco Cheese References: 3
Cocaine references: 7
Queso Fresco Cheese References As Allegories for Cocaine: 2
Jaime Pressly references: 5
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006

Making The World Safe For Science - One Supermodel At A Time

Teenage Scientists Have Redefined Sex In Order To Have Less Of It

We've talked about this before. Not only do I think kids today are smarter than we ever were, I pretty much can't wait for them to run the world. Nothing ... and I mean nothing ... in the corporate world compares to trying to get laid as a teenager. And not only are kids today having sex like cocaine-fueled bunnies, they are convincing researchers they're having less of it. That, my friends, is scientific brilliance.

But there's confusion in the scientific ranks about all of this and I will tell you why; it's because teenagers are so smart they redefined sex to fool researchers so they can have more of it. First, the data. Item 1: a new study found that students who think about sex and listen to music about sex actually have more sex than other students.

How can that be true? I thought about sex all of the time as a teenager and I can assure you that thinking about sex - and I even went so far as to post pictures of mostly-naked girls in my bedroom as a hint - actually did less to make real naked women appear.

This is why scientists were secretly happy when well-meaning teachers put sex education in the curriculm. Nothing makes it easier to get laid than showing girls what they would be doing if they were 'grown-ups' - that is the kind of subtle peer pressure we could never have dreamed up. Thanks National Education Association!

Image Hosted by

And yet, it has worked perfectly for teenagers who get to have buckets of pre-marital sex and blame us if it goes badly. But wait for Item 2 - another study says that students are having a lot less sex than they used to have.

How can they both be true? Science will tell you how. Because kids may be book dumber than they used to be, but they are a heck of a lot street smarter.

We can have studies that give opposite results due to the problem of calibration. What do I mean? The second study uses 1991 as the reference year and, as everyone knows, that was the year before the election of President Bill Clinton. Now, this site is about science, not politics, but scientists will go on record as saying they like Bill Clinton for the same reason students taking surveys about sex do; he redefined what sex means. The study says in 1991 54.1% of students were having sex but today, even with all of that music in the first study and free internet porn, only 46.8% of students are having sex.

How is this possible? It must mean that sex education really works, right? Well, no, it means that the one time teenagers listened to their elders, it was when the President told them some kinds of sex weren't really sex. In the 1991 study, it was sex if it involved two people and orgasms. In the intervening 15 years it changed so that it isn't sex if you don't know the girl's name until your sixth orgasm. That means I was a virgin before I met Lady Scientist.* No wonder Paris Hilton thinks she is celibate.

I know this all sounds a little confusing. Given this new paradigm you probably want to know what the current definition of 'sex' is, in case you have to take a survey. Well, it depends on what your definition of 'is' is.

Conclusion: Not only do I think the future is safe in the hands of such smart kids, I am cashing in my 401K. I think my Social Security will be worth millions in their capable hands and I'd like to buy a big trampoline for the yard right now.

*That's right, you took my flower. Now bake me a pie.

posted by Buckaroo at 7:20 AM |

0 attempts to be as funny as a scientist

Email The Lab

or Direct Link This Post or Add to or reddit or Spurl or ma.gnolia or newsvine or even Digg us.

What Cool Scientists Are Wearing:
Click Here To Get Your Own "Science And Supermodels" Stuff!
Essential Scientific Articles
The Top 10 Mysteries Of Science
Can't Get A Date? Science Has The Answer!
Science Gets You More Sex - Again
USA Scientists Extend Dominance, Make Black Holes Their Bitch
When Bad Science Hurts Good Women
Parting The Red Sea - Science Explains That
Women Cheat Us Again - This Time By Using Evolution
The Science Of Freak Magnets
Some Scientific Equations Can't Be Solved, Like This One: W*0^M = N
Everything I Need To Know About Business I Learned From Watching WEIRD SCIENCE
Want To Cure Global Warming? Make Really Big Sunglasses
Albinoes Versus Sexy Skeleton Zombies
Paris Hilton Is Like Mother Teresa - Only Naked
A Physicists Guide To Relationships
How To Have An Earthquake In Japan - Guaranteed
Maybe E is not equal to MC^2?
Einstein 101
Mapping The Genome
Why Schools Are Better Today
An Argument For Concubines
Newest Buddha Is Skinny - Fat People Blame The Media;;
What Sites Cool Scientists Are Reading
:: Scientific Blogging
:: Science And Supermodels Main Site
:: The Contrarian Scientist
:: Real Science Blogs
:: Build Cool Stuff! Get Your Schematics Here
:: We Are Scientists - because singing scientists are funny too.
:: Fun Things With Electricity - not sex either, perv.
:: News, Links & Supermodels
:: Intelligent Technology
:: Write Me To Get Your Link Put Here
::Blogroll Me!
Blah, Blah, Blah
Top Technology Blogs
Top blogs
Top Blogs
Top100 Bloggers
Atom Site Feed
Web Blog Pinging Service
Subscribe with Bloglines
Blogarama - The Blog Directory
Search4Blogs Blogs Directory
Subscribe in NewsGator Online
Blog-Watch - The Blog Directory
blog search directory
Blog Directory & Search engine
Subscribe to Science And Supermodels
Technology Blogs
Technology Blogs
Performancing BlogRank
Top Blog Lists
Listed on BlogShares
Open your own web store
Powered by Blogger™
page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?