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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:
10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.
9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.
8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.
7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.
6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.
5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"
4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!
3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.
2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!
... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...
1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"
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Making The World Safe For Science - One Supermodel At A Time




The Top 10 Mysteries Of Science Part III



3. This study says men are smarter than women. This study says tall people are smarter than short people. This article says a woman is mentally playing tennis, even in a coma. So I should be able to build a space shuttle in an hour if you give me the schematic because I am tall, male and not in a coma.

Here's how you can impress me, sociologists. Given all those studies can you explain to me why it is I can't win an argument with Lady Scientist and still get sex?

2. James Lipton is still employed. Worse, he has Teri Hatcher on the season premiere of Inside The Actor's Studio. You know he has truly scraped the bottom of the barrel when he has to fawn over Teri Hatcher and issue forth sentences like, "And tell us how you came to do the immortal work, Brain Smasher ... A Love Story."

Want to impress me, archaelogists? Tell me why her gaze doesn't turn everyone to stone, because she is clearly wearing the Head Of Medusa on her neck:

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And The Number One Mystery Of Science For September is ...


1. Christina Aguilera and whoever this guy is she is with.


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I can appreciate that Christina Aguilera gave hope to ugly guys everywhere by marrying him but something about this is just wrong. I have five medical degrees and I can't figure out what is going on with his teeth.

The only answer? Well, there are two, and it proves both creationists and evolutionists wrong:

A) This guy is a neanderthal, so evolution doesn't exist, and

B) The fact that Christina Aguilera married him proves there is no God.


posted by Buckaroo at 6:45 AM |

0 attempts to be as funny as a scientist

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