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9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.
8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.
7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.
6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.
5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"
4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!
3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.
2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!
... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...
1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"
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Making The World Safe For Science - One Supermodel At A Time




The Mens Guide To Dating A Geek Girl V 1.0



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Let's face it, sometimes we get tired of dating models. Sure, they clean up well but it gets annoying having to tell her she's beautiful a hundred times a day and the cocaine bill gets expensive.

You might think you have no hope of getting an attractive low-maintenance geek girl and I am inclined to agree ( that you can't anyway ) but I would rather light a candle than curse your darkness, so here are my tips to try and help. I present to you Version 1.0 of The Mens Guide To Dating A Geek Girl.

Getting Your First Geek Girl


So you've seen a geek girl. She's got the Tina Fey glasses on and the hair is thrown up in a mess, she's wearing clothes just frumpy enough you can't tell what kind of body she has. Trust me, my friends, if she's like any geek girl I have ever known, she has a better body than Eva Longoria. She just doesn't need to flaunt it because Pete Yorn would never date Eva Longoria anyway. Now you just have to talk to her.

1. Be direct.

No matter what she looks like, geek girls are no different than geek guys. She will likely seem a little aloof, maybe even defensive. She is just baffled that you can't see inside her to the geek she is and wonders if this is a prank.

2. Open with something memorable.

"No way a hot girl like you has such mad skillz," is worth a shot.

Alternate: "If I ever get to redesign keyboards I will put U and I together." She will likely respond that they actually are already together on keyboards, which means you let her be smarter than you and she will find your clumsy pick-up attempt charming. Nicely done.


3. Ask which Yahoo chat room is her favorite.

If the answer is anything other than "I don't go into Yahoo chat rooms" find a different geek girl. Geek girls don't hang out in Yahoo chat rooms so kick this twink to the curb. IRC is okay.

4. Learn to play Half-Life.

I know it's old. Chicks still play it. Science has no answer for that.

5. Stevie "Killcreek" Case comparisons can never be wrong.

Geek girls know their gaming history.

6. Do not ask her if she prefers Python because it's a more "feminine" language.

She probably does. But it's a bad idea to say it.


The Geek Girl Relationship


Some men want to be teachers. They like feeling worldly and prefer a companion who sits childlike and listens to their stories while wanting their women to have a history that would make the Virgin Mary feel promiscuous. If so, a geek girl is not for you. Geek girls, like geek guys, take a while to open up but, when they do, they are total hellcats. This is mostly because they are well-read and your geek girl trusts you and she thinks relationships should be fun but you, my friend, are not her first relationship. This does not make her a whore but it probably does mean you can call her one during sex without suffering physical harm. That said, to keep a geek girl truly happy you should also note the following:

1. Figure out which Star Wars character you are.

Let's face it, she wants either Han or Luke. If she wants one, and you are the other, exit the airlock quickly. You're not Don Quixote.

Alternate: However, a well-timed "You truly belong here with us among the clouds" Lando Calrissian impression will enhance any geek relationship. If you happen to surprise her with that in front of her geek friends and they laugh, you are totally going to hit that.


2. She had a life before she met you.

Because she is a geek girl, she is on the internet. Trust me, if she is funny and smart, she has been propositioned online more than Marilyn Monroe at a Kennedy luncheon. She may keep a few dorks around who say nice things and pump up her ego, but it's okay to trust her. She's with the person she wants to be with.

3. There is a significant chance she is smarter than you.

She's not going to flaunt it but if you try to patronize her and her eyes narrow to slits that look like something Cylons fire laser beams out of, believe me, they will become slits firing Cylon laser beams if you don't stop your sentence and run quickly from the room, waving your arms and yelling "Danger, Wil Robinson! Danger!" or something else to make her laugh. Do it quickly. The downside to having a geek girl smarter than you is she has figured out your weaknesses and can make you cry.


Keeping Your Geek Girl


1. You still have to dress the part.

      A. Keep it simple. Just because she's a geek girl doesn't mean she will tolerate you wearing a Pokemon shirt with barbecue sauce on it from dinner three nights ago. Jeans that fit and a shirt are all you need for hanging out. You want to look like you haven't put any thought into it but make sure you have.


      B. Do not wear a sports jersey. Unless you are a player on the Pittsburgh Penguins.


2. She wants you to respect her smarts but she has been told how intelligent she is all her life.

      A. She's still a woman. If you don't think she's sexy, why are you hanging out with her? Switching this on and off is key. Getting all neanderthal when she's up to her eyeballs in Python is a bad idea. But occasionally grabbing her by a belt loop as she walks by and pulling her into your lap for a quick kiss on the neck is going to pay geek dividends later.


      B. Do not tell her she's cute. 7 out of 10 geek girls are cute - and they are sick of hearing it. Sometimes they want to be beautiful, exotic or drop-dead gorgeous. She owns a little black dress for a reason, my friend, and that reason is because it does not radiate 'cute.'


3. Sometimes you should treat her like she's a guy.


Jumping up to take a box away from her is likely to get you a snippy comment such as "Thanks, but I've been genetically engineered to lift things that weigh five pounds." If she is carrying a refrigerator, use your judgment. Opening doors is always okay.

In Conclusion


I hope this small effort on the part of science to add to your geek seduction repertoire finds you in a happy place with a geek girl in 1/nth time it took me to learn this sage wisdom the hard way. This list is by no means comprehensive. Should you feel I have omitted any key strategies. let me know for Version 2.0. And geek girls, if you have any advice, try and help the fellas out.

posted by Buckaroo at 10:33 PM |

10 attempts to be as funny as a scientist

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