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| Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules: |
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| 10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool. |
| 9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states. |
| 8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics. |
| 7) Bugs - they never see you comin'. |
| 6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen. |
| 5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!" |
| 4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am! |
| 3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song. |
| 2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week! |
| ... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ... |
| 1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2" |
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| What Cool Scientists Are Listening To - Click Links Below |
| :: Cash - Being Simple |
| :: Viva K - Does It Matter? |
| :: The Ark - One Of Us Is Gonna Die Young |
| :: The Donnas - Roll On Down The Highway |
| :: Billy Joe Shaver - Georgia On A Fast Train |
| :: Phish - Gin And Juice |
| :: The Whigs - Technology |
| :: Marit Larsen - Only A Fool |
| :: Euphoria - Back Against The Wall |
| :: Richard Swift - As I Go |
| :: Snowglobe - Rainbow |
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| Queso Fresco Cheese References: 3 |
| Cocaine references: 7 |
| Queso Fresco Cheese References As Allegories for Cocaine: 2 |
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| [::..Archive..::] |
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October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 |
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Making The World Safe For Science - One Supermodel At A Time
The New James Bond Is A Wuss - But He'll Get Naked
Daniel Craig has been under fire from moment one. Not many people have thought he would be good in the role - except the daughter of the guy who built the franchise. We've already established that English chicks are nuts and having a girl pick the next James Bond is proof of it.
So he's blonde and that isn't good. But whatever. He's also a major league wuss who can't even drive JB's car and that's a little harder to forgive.
So what is his answer to all those criticisms?
"I have told bosses I'm prepared to do a full frontal scene. I'm not shy and Bond wouldn't be shy about it either," says Craig.
HUH? You think that will make the movie BETTER? Does Craig not understand his boss is actually not the audience for James Bond films? Men go to see these movies and the last thing men want to see is Daniel Craig naked. Men want to see hot chicks in a James Bond movie and instead they are giving us a crazy French bag lady. We want cool technology and instead they are giving us an Aston-Martin automatic because Daniel can't learn how to drive a stick. And he apparently can't take a punch either. If you're confused about what makes a hot Bond girl and what makes a crazy French bag lady, see below. For cool gadgets you are on your own.
Sounds awfully critical of me, right? Why shouldn't I be James Bond, you ask? Why not indeed. I don't have access to Sienna Miller's career-enhancing vagina for one thing - though I have proven that access to it would jump-start my movie career. And my car is cooler than an Aston-Martin, namely because mine starts in the rain. And I can take a punch.
This is also why Sweety calls me Farmboy McDreamy. And she doesn't want me to get famous because she knows Uma Thurman is available.
posted by Buckaroo at 7:10 AM |
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