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| Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules: |
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| 10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool. |
| 9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states. |
| 8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics. |
| 7) Bugs - they never see you comin'. |
| 6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen. |
| 5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!" |
| 4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am! |
| 3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song. |
| 2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week! |
| ... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ... |
| 1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2" |
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| What Cool Scientists Are Listening To - Click Links Below |
| :: Cash - Being Simple |
| :: Viva K - Does It Matter? |
| :: The Ark - One Of Us Is Gonna Die Young |
| :: The Donnas - Roll On Down The Highway |
| :: Billy Joe Shaver - Georgia On A Fast Train |
| :: Phish - Gin And Juice |
| :: The Whigs - Technology |
| :: Marit Larsen - Only A Fool |
| :: Euphoria - Back Against The Wall |
| :: Richard Swift - As I Go |
| :: Snowglobe - Rainbow |
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| Site Statistics |
| Unique IPs the past month: 8755 |
| Number of countries that read this blog: 54 |
| Percentage of visitors who stay more than 20 minutes: 16% |
| Most hits by Country - USA, England, Japan |
| Queso Fresco Cheese References: 3 |
| Cocaine references: 7 |
| Queso Fresco Cheese References As Allegories for Cocaine: 2 |
| Jaime Pressly references: 5 |
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| [::..Archive..::] |
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Making The World Safe For Science - One Supermodel At A Time
Want To Have A Beautiful Daughter? Nail A Scientist
Everyone wants a beautiful daughter. In fact, that topic came up last week. Someone asked me how things had changed since I hit the big 4-0 and I said, "I'm going to meet someone my own age, and she's going to be smart and beautiful - and I'm going to date her daughter."
How do I meet Alessandra Ambrosio's mother anyway?
It's important that I impregnate a stunningly beautiful woman because this study says that the prettier you are, the more likely it is you will give birth to a girl. It's probably sheer coincidence that in seven generations off the boat from Scotland, my family has never given birth to a girl but I feel like I need to tweak the odds. Because, you know, I am the only scientist.
According to those findings, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie didn't have much choice at all in the sex of their kid. Not having a boy didn't hurt Brad's feelings, though, since he witnessed the Messiah issuing forth from Angelina's vagina.
I thought only Italians had that religious fixation; you know, because all Italian men think their mothers had a virgin birth and all Italian women think their son is God. Regular men just have the madonna/whore fixation. And when we say 'whore' we don't mean Uma Thurman-style attention whore. Is this girl ever in an interview where she isn't talking about how ugly she is? I liked her better when she stated she would date just about anyone and wore clothes like this:
There's only room for one attention whore in any family of mine, I will tell you that. But we'll give Uma a pass this time because she is six feet tall and only weighs 130 lbs, which means we can toss her around the kitchen like a Krispy Kreme box.
Also, please welcome a new honorary member to the world of science: Owen Wilson. Responding to Steely Dan's claims that he based his new movie character on a song of theirs, Wilson said this: "I have never heard the song `Cousin Dupree' and I don't even know who this gentleman, Mr. Steely Dan, is. I hope this helps to clear things up and I can get back to concentrating on my new movie, `HEY 19.'"
So, welcome Owen. Because science needs more humor. I can't carry this load all by myself.
posted by Buckaroo at 7:39 AM |
5 attempts to be as funny as a scientist Email The Lab or Direct Link This Post or Add to del.icio.us or reddit or Spurl or ma.gnolia or newsvine or even Digg us.
