Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:


10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.
9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.
8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.
7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.
6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.
5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"
4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!
3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.
2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!
... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...
1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

What Cool Scientists Are Listening To - Click Links Below
:: Cash - Being Simple
:: Viva K - Does It Matter?
:: The Ark - One Of Us Is Gonna Die Young
:: The Donnas - Roll On Down The Highway
:: Billy Joe Shaver - Georgia On A Fast Train
:: Phish - Gin And Juice
:: The Whigs - Technology
:: Marit Larsen - Only A Fool
:: Euphoria - Back Against The Wall
:: Richard Swift - As I Go
:: Snowglobe - Rainbow

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Making The World Safe For Science - One Supermodel At A Time

The Top 10 Mysteries of Science Part II

6. Some people can't accept that humans are smarter than animals. This panda accidentally crushed one of the twins she birthed. Which isn't all that smart, since she didn't even implicate the butler.

Want to impress me, zookeepers? Teach pandas to imprison siblings they don't like behind an iron mask, like humans do.

5. There's some confusion about Evolution. Americans are skeptics by nature. A study shows America is just above Turkey in percentage of people who don't believe we magically evolved from bacteria. Evolution theorists don't do themselves any favors by trying to convince people biology doesn't require proof - which sounds a lot like religion to non-biologists - and changing their definitions to match the evidence they have.

Want to impress me, biologists? Convince me Angelina Jolie evolved her nose.

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I think her nose is made of plastic and some kind of cement-like goop. Knowing what it is made of does not invalidate the existence of her plastic surgeon, if you catch my drift.

4. We have spent billions of dollars on The War On Fun ... errr, I mean The War On Drugs ... yet baby boomers are still getting stoned all of the time. Why are baby boomers, the people now in charge of government, such hypocrites?

I don't even take aspirin but do you want to impress me, sociologists? Convince me that if I get random brain cancer I shouldn't spend my final months awash in an ocean of 8-balls and hookers.

Continued Here ...

posted by Buckaroo at 7:33 AM |

0 attempts to be as funny as a scientist

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